Jamie points out that the ideas in this piece come from the combined insights "of the People of Color, Queer-identified people, women, differently-abled people, poor folks, Jewish people, Muslim people, Atheists, undocumented citizens, and others... Because part of being an ally means giving credit where credit is due and never taking credit for the anti-oppressive thinking, writing, theorizing, and action of the marginalized and oppressed."
If I were to paraphrase the sentiment behind these ten points, I would say, "Ally, get over yourself! It's not about you!"
Over the next few posts, indebted to the author of the original piece and the chorus of voices they drew from, I will summarize the ideas from the Everyday Feminism post.
Ten Things an Ally Should Know
1) Being an ally is about listening.
Shut up and listen! Of course, every person has wisdom and experience to share based on their background, culture, experience, and perspective, including allies. But, when it comes to the experience of LGBT+ people, the ally in the room should not dominate the conversation. Allies should not arrive on the scene and begin lecturing others or giving all the answers. To coin a phrase, don't ally-splain.
It is important to listen to as many voices as possible. You cannot ally yourself with a person and simultaneously disregard their voice.
Keep in mind, though, that a diversity of voices is needed to round out your perspective. Just because one gay man offers an opinion to you, it does not mean that every other LGBT+ person feels the same way. Always be listening.
2) Ally is not a noun.
Being an ally is not a status. This is not about titles, labels, or credentials you can name for yourself. You can't just flash your ally card as if you've been carded in a liquor store. This is about your words, your thoughts, and your actions.
Consider this quote from Mia McKenzie:
“’Currently operating in solidarity with’ is undeniably an action. It describes what a person is doing in the moment. It does not give credit for past acts of solidarity without regard for current behavior. It does not assume future acts of solidarity. It speaks only to the actions of the present.”
3) Ally is not a self-proclaimed identity.
You don't get to just decide, "I'm an ally now." Yes, your intentions count for something. It is admirable that you want to be an ally. You can strive for solidarity through your words and actions, but keep in mind that others will need to trust you as an ally on their own terms and in their own time.
In other words, being an ally has two components:
- Your intentions, words, and actions as you strive to be an ally
- The trust of LGBT+ people as they recognize your consistent ally behavior
"Trust me, I consider myself an ally," is not enough to cut it.
4) Allies don't take breaks.
Those who are oppressed, marginalized, or ignored do not get to take a break. If you want to be an ally you don't get to retreat into your privilege whenever it becomes convenient.
Part of recognizing your privilege is acknowledging that you get to choose whether or not you're going to engage or resist oppression. Those who are marginalized do not get to choose. Take care of yourself and rest when you need it, but keep in mind that retreating into ease and comfort at every turn is not acting in solidarity, especially when you disengage in critical times of need.
More insights to come in the following post...
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