Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin PART 4

I have one final point to make about the phrase, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." I'll admit, there is a lot more I could say about this topic, but for the sake of moving forward, let's consider this my final post in this series.

When people say, "Love the sinner, hate the sin," they often mean to say, "I love this person, but I do not love the bad things they do."

For example, you might say, "I love my son, but I do not love the lies he told me."

In this instance, you are drawing a distinction between a person (your son) and the things they do (tell lies).

First, let me point out that there are some difficulties when it comes to distinguishing a person versus the things they do. This could be the basis of an existential debate about the nature of personhood, and has been before, but this is a mere blog post! Let's stay practical.

Perhaps on paper, it seems easy to separate a person from their actions, but in real life, I am not sure how easily that is accomplished. Is it possible to fully love a person while compartmentalizing the various imperfections associated with their character?

Think of someone you love. Now, take out a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. On one side of the page, write your reasons for loving that person. On the other side, make a list of all the actions that person does which do not meet your approval. 

Tell me, does this exercise make it easier or harder to love that person?

As I pointed out before, there will be times, in the context of relationship, when confronting harmful behavior is appropriate and necessary. But this does not mean we must run every relationship through the filter of "hate the sin." If we are going to love someone, we cannot reserve the right to keep a list of those aspects of their character we do not endorse.

There are even deeper difficulties when it comes to matters of gender and sexuality. 

The notion seems to be that it is possible to love a person while holding their sinful behaviors at arm's length. But, can gender and orientation be reduced to behaviors? 

Sexual orientation and gender identity cannot be written off as "things people do." Sexual orientation and gender identity cannot be reduced to a list of actions of which you approve or disapprove.

When we talk about gender and sexual orientation, we are talking about issues of identity. We are talking about attraction. We are talking about a person's innermost concept of self.

It is never so simple as looking at an LGBT person and saying, "I love you, but I do not love the things you do." Because sexual orientation and gender identity have very little to do with what people do. We're talking about who people are.

And when we are talking about who people are, it is not so easy to make these distinctions.

"I love you, but I do not love certain aspects of who you are as a person." This is a very different message than disapproval of sinful behaviors. This is disapproval of a person.

When we use expressions like, "Love the sinner, hate the sin," we risk sending dual messages. When we express our love for a person while simultaneously expressing disapproval of who they are, the result of our message is not a person who feels loved, but a person who feels shame.

Maybe it is possible to separate a love for person from their sinful actions. But it is not possible to love a person while rejecting their identity.